


The Call To The Darkness

by mayawrites95 (mayarox95)



Series: A Light In The Darkness [18]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Kylo Ren Redemption, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 23:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayarox95/pseuds/mayawrites95
Summary: Ben feels the pull to the Darkness; Luke intervenes





	The Call To The Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as a standalone but should be read as a series

He would be lying if he said the call to the darkness was gone completely since rejoining his family. It was still there, lingering in his thoughts at his sins.

It gripped onto thoughts of insecurities he still had. That his uncle would never think he was good enough to be a Jedi, no matter what he did. That his father still didn’t want to take him on smuggling trips. Or that his mother still wanted nothing to do with him, so threw herself into work to avoid having to be around him. That even Rey was using him as a means to an end to be able to bring down the First Order and no longer have to fight against him for every single battle she went on. It certainly made her life easier if she only had to fight other Stormtroopers or First Order members that were not Force Sensitive just as she had been.

It came at times he would least expect it. Like when he was sitting with Rey in bed, and she was stroking his hair through their bond absently, and he would wonder there and then if her life would be much easier without him around to have to deal with.

Or when his father would sit with him and Chewie and would make jokes of running away on a smuggling trip, except he promised to smuggle Ben out so he wouldn’t have to deal with his Mother’s glares after accidently missing one of their family dinners because he was pre-occupied with trying to close off the Darkness once and for all. He would wonder if he still caused his mother as much pain as he did when he had been Kylo Ren. And he would wonder if his presence was worth the pain he was causing her.

Or when Luke seemed to sigh as he saw children running around, wondering if any of them were Force Sensitive and Luke was avoiding training them because of him. Because of what Ben had done when he had been trained all those years ago. If he had singlehandedly crippled the Jedi Order for all time.

But the thing was, it wasn’t as prevalent as before. It no longer haunted his thoughts day after day. It just came up in those moments when he least expected it. In those moments when he had been filled with joy and happiness one moment, and was filled with sorrow the next.

And it hurt, to think he was still Dark, no matter what he tried to do to make it go away. No matter how much he tried to prove to himself that he was capable of change, he was still just the same monster he was before, just going under a different name; his original name. and if anything, that made him all the worse than he had been before. He was no longer a boy hiding behind a mask and a false name. And if anything, that scared him all the more.

“I sense trouble in you, Ben,” his uncle said, as he approached him. “What seems to be wrong?”

He pondered over it briefly, wondering if it was worth mentioning it to his uncle. Wondering if perhaps maybe it would be better for them all if he hid his feelings, his insecurities, and pretended none of them existed. Pretended that he wasn’t as terrified as going dark as he thought. Because after everything he had put his family through, he knew they didn’t deserve to go through it again. That if he turned back to the darkness they would kill him this time.

But it was that same thinking that turned him dark in the first place. That Snoke was able to manipulate him using to get him to join the First Order. Because he was so afraid of what he was feeling, and felt so isolated from those he loved.

“I’m afraid,” Ben admitted after a moment. “That my connection to the Darkness hasn’t been terminated. That I might turn back.”

Uncle Luke raised an eyebrow at him, “Do you have an overwhelming urge to kill me and rule the galaxy, enslaving all the different races alike? Or is it just the urge for murder?”

He could tell his uncle was being lighthearted on the matter, and it nearly infuriated him more. But instead of lashing out, he took a deep breath.

“I feel it at times of great happiness,” Ben explained, “That somehow everyone here would be better off without me. That my presence just complicates matters.”

“Maybe,” Luke said softly, “But it can be easily simplified. Everyone here wants you to be here, Ben. I haven’t seen your mother this happy in years. I haven’t seen your father and her as relaxed as they had been now ever. Even before there was always the strain of his smuggling trips and her duties to politics. But now they are truly happy, even though the same things that once strained them are still there. Because they’re together and have you. Rey seems at peace, which is a lot more than I can say about her when I first met her and she was struggling more than she could say. You saved me too, from exile by proving me wrong. By proving something I never would have believed.”

“What?” Ben asked, not sure what he could have disproved his uncle on.

“Rey showed it to me too,” his uncle said softly, “When she came to the island. When she sensed the darkness in the planet and allowed it in, without allowing it to overtake her. That there is Light and Dark in us all. It’s what makes us alive. No person is born good or evil, but it is our choices that shape our paths. And as Vader, and you both proved, it is never too late to change your path. That just because you feel the call to the Darkness, it matters what you chose to do with it, not that it is there. You are not Dark if you feel them beckoning you, as long as you know you are stronger than that, and that you are exactly where you want to be. And allow an old man an assumption in saying you are happy here, Ben Solo, surrounded by your family.”

“Yes,” Ben said softly, “I am.”

“Which is why I am not worried,” his uncle smiled at him. “It is natural to be afraid. As long as you know you are not alone.”

“Thank you, Uncle Luke,” Ben said softly, as he looked up at his uncle, his fears feeling lighter.

He was exactly where he wanted to be and he refused to let anything change that.

**Author's Note:**

> As I am starting school again tomorrow I might not be able to post as much as I'd like to. But hopefully my semester will be light


End file.
